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Shift in psyche

I'm a really impatient person sometimes. I'm trying to work on it. Earlier in the week, after my last pathetic self pitying post about no one loving me, I got a call from Jonathan out of the blue. I was at the gym and missed the call, but in the voicemail, he said we should get together. I called him back a few hours later and left a voicemail. After a few days of him not getting back to me, I decided just to approach it more casually and so I sent him an email on Friday of this silly picture of him I took on my phone the last time we hung out. He responded asking what I was up to this weekend, but I was out with friends (and drunk) so I decided I'd wait until Saturday to get back to him. I knew if I was drunk, I'd just end up throwing myself at him, and while I wanted to sleep with him, I wanted to back off and let him make the moves. Additionally, I wanted to be okay with the idea that he might not be making any moves and that we would just be friends. If I were drunk, I knew I'd have little patience for that and would probably just throw myself at him again. LOL. So yesterday I called him and left a message. He called me back and we arranged to meet up later on because we were both on our way to meet friends in different parts of town. I had already had a couple beers when I met up with him, but I felt pretty sober. I intentionally did not do any flirtatious body language moves (no hand on his leg, no touching his shoulder, no resting my head on him) like I would normally do to clue a guy in. I was rocking some serious cleavage though. We got burritos and a 12 pack and rented a movie and head back to my house. It felt normal and comfortable like friends. Z hung out with us and we all watched the movie together and smoked. Him and I sat on the same couch but not touching. After the movie, when she left the room, he moved closer to me and rested his head on my shoulder. After a while, we were making out and moved it to my room. He is really big. It kind of hurts, but I think that pain is kind of hot. It's a big departure from Manik who is on the small side of average. Also, Manik has never once gone down on me, and Jonathan regularly does. (P.s. that stereotype about black guys not eating pussy? I think it's a myth because every one I've had always does without prompting.) The sex is good. I like how he's a really big dude. I'm 5'5" and he's easily a foot taller than me. His driver's license said he's 300 lbs. It feels really nice being wrapped in his arms. There's something about a big burly dude that just makes you feel dainty. Mmmmm black neck roll. I feel like I'm never a top when I'm with him, even though I'm used to taking the reigns. Anyway, he left about an hour ago, after I made us breakfast. He said he'll call me later, which I don't really expect that he will. I don't know, it could be the PCG (post coital glow) but I feel okay with whatever our sex does or doesn't mean right now. It was nice to reaffirm we at least like hanging out with each other. And now my bed smells like man.

It's too beautiful a day to give a shit about the Superbowl. Pam and I are going to walk around the Haight and shop.



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Feb. 5th, 2012 09:38 pm (UTC)
there's a stereotype about black guys not eating pussy?!!?
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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